Yeah, we learn a lot in school. And in life. And from reality tv.
- Ten years old is apparently not to young to wear makeup. Anywhere.
- When grocery shopping, your child must get a “treat.” Luckily, a parent can talk a child into believing a treat can be something you’d buy anyway, like cereal or yogurt.
- Dresses are fancy – shorts are not. Therefore, shorts are not allowed.
- Oriental Trading catalogs are a mom’s best friend: they’re free, they pass a great deal of time, and even if your kids decide they have to have something from one, it’ll probably only cost you 14 cents.
- Sports are a good way to learn teamwork, but really, they’re just another good excuse to play dress up. And it’s called a soccer costume, not a uniform.
- Kids will voluntarily wake up no earlier than 8:00 am, unless it’s a weekend or other day you would be sleeping in. Then, the wake up call comes at roughly 6:45.
- Treats from the dentist’s “Treasure Box” are more revered than the present mom had to stake out at Toys R Us for two months leading up to Christmas.
- The difference between big kids and little kids is simple. Big kids take showers, little kids take baths.
- The difference between showers and baths is simple. Roughly 7 gallons of water on my bathroom floor.
- Name brand Popsicles may cost twice as much as store brand ones, but the real Popsicles have jokes on the sticks. This, plus avoiding the tantrum that occurs when there’s no joke, makes it worth spending the extra $2.
- Everyone – regardless of age, should have a birthday party. And it should have a theme. And streamers.
- Spagettio’s is better than any other spaghetti anywhere. Don’t even try to convince them otherwise.
- Raising young kids is like the ultimate math test. For example, be prepared to answer “What percent cute was I when I was 2?” and “How many times have we eaten Fruity Pebbles this summer?” followed by “How old will I be when you are 100?” and “Will I get my ears pierced when I am 8 or 14?” in rapid succession. Also be prepared to remember the answers for the next time.
- Family laundry now consists of whites, darks and pinks.
- “The Deep End” at the pool is scarier than any monster movie.
- When left alone, two children can turn a perfectly clean house into a disaster zone in less than 3 minutes.
- The Disney Channel could promote color bars for a month and those color bars would still be must-see-tv.
- Nowhere, not even in the deepest part of your brain, is there an adequate answer to ‘Why?”
I’m sure you’ve learned a lot more than this but this is a start. Hope you’re having a great start to the workweek. – Justin